As you probably know by now, I fired my secretary and then posted a job opening for a new one. After sorting through hundreds of applications, I have finally narrowed it down to a few dozen candidates. Today, I’m bringing them in for interviews. Finally! I hope to find someone really good.
Here’s our first candidate.
“So you’ll be helping out a lot with my blog…”
Candidate #1: “What’s a blog?”
“Uhhh… NEXT!”
Okay, we are just warming up here. I’m not sure how that candidate made it through the initial screening. Let’s move on.
“Tell me about a weakness you have.”
Candidate #2: “Well, I can be very ANGRY, and very UNORGANIZED, and sometimes I do SLOPPY work, and I’ve been told that I am also RUDE, and I’m usually LATE for everything. And sometimes I JUST DON’T CARE AT ALL.”
“Okay, thank you! NEXT!”
At least that last candidate was beary honest about his weaknesses.
Let’s move on to candidate #3.
“Are you comfortable working on a Mac computer?”
Candidate #3: “I only use typewriters.”
“NEXT!”
“If I gave you a task with little or no instructions, what would you do?”
Candidate #4: “I would — RING — oh hold on a second.” (answers cell phone) “HEY DUDE, WHAT’S UP? Hahaha, that’s awesome, cool to hear that? Me, oh nothing, I’m just at an interview right now –”
“NEXT!”
“What’s your opinion on pants?”
Candidate #5: “I LOVE PANTS!”
“NEXT!”
“This job needs someone who can communicate well.”
Candidate #6: “SQUAWK!”
“NEXT!”
“My secretary needs to be well versed in Facebook and Instagram.”
Candidate #7: “What’s Facebook? What’s Instagram?”
“NEXT!”
“You seem like the perfect candidate. What is your expected salary?”
Candidate #8: “One million dollars.”
“NEXT!”
“Woof!”
“Parker, what do you mean that’s it? That was everyone? There are no candidates left?”
“Woof!”
“Maybe my last secretary wasn’t so bad after all!”
It’s hard finding good help, isn’t it?
